From
the preface: In the mid-1980's I resigned my position
as an intermediate school English teacher in a school
in Hawaii to pursue my studies in psychology. As I told
my principal that I had made the decision to resign, I
said somewhat sadly, "I won't be a teacher, anymore."
He looked at me, nodded his head, and replied, "Maybe.
But, Kay, you will always be an educator." The years
since have borne out his prophecy.
Through my writings about and activities within the gay/lesbian/bisexual/transgendered
community, I have continued my role as an educator. My
interest in this community began when my younger son came
out to me as a gay man. I was brought face to face with
the knowledge that those of diverse sexual orientation
face blatant discrimination, careless, hurtful, and dangerous
rejection, and, most insidious of all, the subtle wearing
down of spirit brought on by non-acceptance of the reality
of the person who exists as gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered,
or transsexual.
I knew that people of good will participated in such discrimination
and rejection because, in most cases, they simply did
not understand. It is my hope that, with this book, more
people will be educated; more people will understand that
having a sexual orientation other than heterosexual is
natural, and that people who are non-heterosexual are
whole human beings as good or bad as all of us are. In
this book, my approach to understanding sexual diversity
is to tell the personal narrative of the struggle to undo
my own homophobia and to share the many columns I have
written on a variety of issues important to understanding
those who live with the consequences of being perceived
as different.
What authority I have as formally educated, trained, and
practiced in psychological theory and therapies is woven
into both the narrative and the columns in a way that
respects my reader's own knowledge and experience. Remember,
I write my columns for a community well aware of the issues
I raise; the members of that community teach me what it
must be like to walk in their shoes. Many of my columns
speak to parents as well. I know a little about the mysteries
of human sexuality, a little more about people's attitudes
toward sexuality--and the effects of these attitudes on
themselves and others--and a lot about my own struggles
to understand sexuality and human attitudes toward sexual
ways of being. I also appreciate the reward of my own
growth in making the attempts at understanding. My columns
outline the scope of the problems and suggest the possibilities
of solutions. I know that human beings are much more complex
than the words I use to describe them.
